This time of year can be so overwhelming for me. While my entire being craves the hibernation phase of winter, I’m jolted into overdrive with the cattle prod of expectation. I’m supposed to be spending, and giving, and traveling, and cooking, and decorating, and planning, when all I really want to do is stay quiet, solitary, introspective, and contemplative. I’ve spent many years blaming this culture, when what I should be doing is blaming myself. I’m choosing to be carried out to sea with the tide of pop culture. I’m allowing it to have this effect on me. I’m not the victim my ego would have me believe.
What I’m coming to understand in my own life is that it is possible to have too much abundance. I have filled my world with so many beautiful things, to the detriment of my own psyche. Every minute is scheduled, every project is a life-changer, and all of my work is my soul’s purpose. Meanwhile, I haven’t had an exercise regimen in a year, I don’t meditate every day, I’m not caring for myself as I do others. When I ask myself why, I get, “Because there’s no time for that! This stuff has to get done! It’s important!”
As if *I* am not?
Where, when, and why in life does this internal compass get so distorted? By what mechanism do we learn that the very core of our well being is less important than nearly everything or everyone else around us? No, I can’t blame it on the media. I’m in charge of my world and I’m failing me.
Seeing it is changing it. It’s time for a little alchemy.
Being present, living in the moment, is the key to inner peace I’m convinced. When I allow myself to start ruminating about that crazy day I’ve booked for myself four days ahead, I’m failing me. That isn’t sustainable for anyone. Reining in that tendency is going to be my number one goal for 2013.
There’s an old Zen saying which goes something like, “If you don’t have 20 minutes a day to meditate, then you need to meditate for an hour a day.” We can’t expect inner peace to find us, unless we make space for it, give it somewhere to land.
And no more blaming my circumstances on anyone else but me. I’m running this show. When something needs to change, my responsibility is 100%.
So, with this I’ll say, Happy New Year. May 2013 be a tremendous year for you, filled with purpose, peace, and sustainable limits. Well Being means so much more than understanding where we’re lacking. It means finding clarity in where we’re overloaded as well. In my life the lesson du jour has been about giving up and surrendering the need to control my every moment a week in advance.
May you have the strength and faith in yourself to navigate your own lessons gracefully and peacefully.