Embracing Uncertainty.

The constant need for control is a type of prison.

It seems we are universally uncomfortable with the concept of embracing uncertainty.

It’s been my experience that negotiating my way through uncertainty, developing a new relationship to it, has been my own kind of hero’s journey of empowerment.

I break uncertainty into two categories:

There is the 1.) Big Picture Uncertainty, over which we truly have no control.

This is referred to as a Gravity Problem. There is no solution–like what the weather will be doing tomorrow–which makes it more of a circumstance than a problem. Something like this is damaging if all we’re doing is fighting it or stressing over it, rather than accepting that we have no control over the weather.

And then there is the 2.) Manageable Uncertainty, or that which we can control with our choices and planning.

Pay attention to where you tend to focus your attention.

Do you spend too much of your mental health on fighting gravity problems? How does your history with embracing uncertainty affect your life?

What good is it doing any of us to frequently obsess over Big Picture Uncertainties? And can we bring any aspect of a Big Picture Uncertainty into the manageable realm? We can’t control the weather, for example, but we can build a contingency plan for next week’s college roommate reunion on the beach.

Glide through Manageable Uncertainty with four simple questions:

Ask yourself…

1. 1. 1. What is my situation?
      2. What do I ultimately want?
      3. What are my obstacles to that? (Are these obstacles manageable? Or Gravity?)
      4. What am I willing or able to do to overcome those obstacles?

Growth happens through tension.

Tension is found in the space between a current situation and a newly defined future possibility. Uncertainty is a great catalyst for personal transformation. We generally reject the idea of uncertainty though because, transformation or not, it’s really freaking uncomfortable.

Discomfort is an unavoidable aspect of nature. We hurt when we burn our hand on the hot stove. We hurt when we lose something we love. That’s discomfort and pain.

Suffering, on the other hand, is a chronic pattern, possibly even an attachment, to the inevitable pain of life. We haven’t experienced a tsunami first-hand but we hurt for those who have; we hurt because tsunamis happen, we hurt because maybe someday we will. We haven’t lost our job, but we hurt for the possibility of it.

Suffering happens when we dwell on uncertainty without taking any mediating steps to manage it.

If there are no steps to possibly take (Big Picture Uncertainty), then surrender is our only call to action, to release the grip of expectation. To release the need for control. To stop trying to force an outcome.

Suffering in the form of anxiety takes place when we carry around the fear of the possibility of future pain, that something might hurt us one day, that we may have something to fear in some distant future.

But it only takes a moment to remember that from the moment you were conceived your life has been a sequence of incredible uncertainties. Stop and take a look at where you are right now, how far you’ve come, how many scenarios you have navigated from a place of uncertainty.

Uncertainty is not some abstract monster that may or may not arrive some day; it’s always been right by your side. Maybe it’s time to get to know it better; maybe even befriend it.

What does embracing uncertainty look like?

If you lose your job, you will feel the fear and you will take the next productive step.

If someone leaves you, you will experience the grief and you will eventually heal.

If you get sick, you will be present with it. You will transform the illness or the illness will transform you.

True power lies in embracing uncertainty. You can learn to harness it, manage it, for your own highest growth. And when there truly is nothing left to do, no more steps left to take, you surrender the battle, and stop feeding this insatiable monster all your energy.

That is the moment you understand that you are an empowered individual who can handle anything life throws your way.

There’s a name for a life without uncertainty. It’s called boredom. It’s called stagnancy.

Nobody wants that.

Much Love,

Kristy

P.S. ~ If you’re feeling stuck in a stress pattern of hyper-control (an inability to be with uncertainty), maybe I can help.