Every year I am called to lay it on the line, divulge the contents of my closets. It feels cathartic and it’s my way of calibrating where I’m holding myself back in life. Sometimes if feels as though I have two lives. the professional conventional me, who reads Seth Godin & does things like become credentialed through the International Coach Federation and the intuitive unconventional me who reads Carlos Castaneda & does things like channel a spirit through a Medicine Card reading. Over the years I have walked my own Hero’s Journey to reconcile these two sides of me. And I can say that generally they are at peace. I credit my strong Right/Left brain balance as a serious gift.
But every now and then they start to drift and I have to do something to bring them back into harmony. A few weeks ago I began having battle dreams, one after another, dreams about great wars, taking sides, winning & losing. They were making me fiery and ferocious in waking life. After the sixth or seventh in a row, it was time to contact my absolute favorite Jungian dream analyst, David Bedrick, author of Talking Back to Dr. Phil (an incredible book that everybody should read btw). He helped set me straight.
I came to understand that I wasn’t honoring my intuitive side enough. My spirit was feeling suppressed, hidden, rejected. by that intellectual side of me that tends to strong-arm my work. Can you relate to this? Because we all go through it. That voice that says, “You can”t be entirely authentic because your clients will think you’re a freak.” Ah, the gremlin voices that so badly want to keep us small, because that’s where it’s safe. But then the next voice breaks through yelling, “Safe is BORING. Safe is NOT ME. I don’t want to be safe and small, and my clients don’t need that either.”
And so here I am, getting real, owning my authenticity and detaching from the outcome of doing so. It’s about understanding that we can’t create a big impact if we’re not willing to show the world who we are. We can’t please everybody on the planet and if that is seriously our goal, we present ourselves with such neutral vanilla-ness that we don’t interest anybody. For me it was about walking into the North, the place of leadership on the Medicine Wheel, and owning my own soul. It’s a fallacy to believe that anyone can keep us from doing so. Though scary at times, a test of vulnerability, it’s up to us.
So here they are. The 5 things about me you might find freaky. A calibration of me.
1.) I believe in human divinity, that God (or whatever you want to call it) is inside of us, and I’m writing a book on the subject with the cosmic goddess, Nina Brown. Its foundation is the philosophy of S.T.A.R. – Surrender, Trust, Allow, Receive- a blueprint for navigating life and its publishing date is around October of 2014.
There are a few videos which explain the foundation of the philosophy. You can watch them here.
2.) I am shamanic. I have been shamanic/totemic my entire life. I have formally studied with four shamanic teachers. Last year when my apprenticeship came to an end I took a complete break from shamanism. Now I’m merging with it once again, and intend to complete Alberto Villoldo’s shamanic training through the Four Winds Society starting in March. I’ve wanted to do this for five years. It’s time. I think it will provide an incredible adjunct to my transpersonal coaching work.
3.) I spent 20 years in the field of veterinary medicine and when I left it, I was so burned out I
nearlywent mad. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. Through the darkness of that time I connected to my wholeness, my humanity and I also found my spirit. It’s been said that you have to lose your mind to find your sanity. I’m a walking testament to the truth of that. I believe it’s what makes my work so powerful.
4.) I’m a lucid dreamer, an astral projector, am intuitive and telepathic. I have been since I was about 18 months old. We all are. When I left the field of veterinary medicine I had a psychic opening and all of it became more intense. (I’m also writing a book about that year of incredible wonders/terrors.) I truly believe that we are all meant to own our own intuitive gifts as a part of humanity’s return to wholeness. It’s who we are, the expression of our advanced senses, and it seems every world-famous change-maker has unapologetically known that.
5.) I believe that everything is alive and everything has a spirit. I believe that we can receive messages from everything if we only attune to its vibration. Trees can tell us things about ourselves, spiders can teach us how to retrieve lost parts of ourselves, and mountains can infuse us with the strength we need to navigate a difficult conversation.
So there it is, an open door to the parts of me I don’t always bring forward consciously, though they are foundational to my work & life. Over the next year this will shift a bit as I continue to grow into the person I am meant to be, fearlessly and shamelessly, in order to assist people in their own search for authenticity. The concept of non-attachment/non-judgment is my primary teacher right now. The lessons I’m receiving are rich and transformational.
And this doesn’t mean I’ve tossed out my analytical side! For me, like twins, the two sides will always be cherished.
Have you thought about the freaky parts of you that you’d like to own fearlessly and shamelessly? What are you keeping hidden in the dark recesses of your safety zone? I invite you to take a minute and write your own list, even if you have no intention of sharing it. Honoring your entire being is medicine for the soul.