Spiritual Growth Can Look A Lot Like Disaster

There is a fallacy we tell ourselves.

This fallacy goes something like, if things are working out this means we’re on the “right track”. We made the right choice. Spiritual growth means life is easy. We just flow when we’re aligned with the Universe, with God, with our highest consciousness. If not, well, we made a wrong turn somewhere.

I don’t think it’s that black and white.

And I think this variation on fundamentalist thinking can cause some harm and confusion. I’ve taken on a broader context surrounding all of this–it’s not so either/or–and that broader context has become: let us LEARN TO TRUST the process.

Of course if my life is a complete train-wreck and I’m miserable on 900 levels, then yes, it’s possible that I became disconnected somewhere along the way. I believe there is such a thing as the “wrong track” but whether we are on that track is to be judged by us alone, not by anyone else.

You know, sometimes things have to get chaotic for a time (sometimes for a long time) before we get what we’re supposed to get from an experience.

No more judging.

We have a tendency to become judge and jury for another person’s life experience. It’s human nature to fall into this way of thinking; sometimes we tell ourselves it’s a form of empathy.

But as much as I resist this, I’m guilty of it myself, primarily to myself, second guessing my decisions and wondering if I blew it.

The most recent example is in the purchase of our new home.

I was so excited for this to work out. I wanted it so badly. My husband was a little leery of the older radiant heating system, so I asked him what it would take for him to be comfortable. He determined that in addition to the home inspection he wanted additional professional assurances that the system was healthy. We arranged that, it was additionally inspected, good to go.

So, my husband felt okay about it, and we bought the house.

To make a long story short, we just found out the radiant heat system is irreversibly  b-r-o-k-e-n.

So…we just moved in and as soon as it’s time to turn on the heat, we discover it’s non-functional in half the house, despite all the additional safe-guards we took.

A colossal mess.

Now we’re faced with replacing an entire heating system on our house, tearing up floors, walls…not to mention the expense. Or, we’ve been advised that suing the previous home owner for non-disclosure is another option.

I get hives just thinking about it, and that’s somewhat literal. As soon as the issue was diagnosed this week, I came down with a terrible cold and a rash over half my body.

For a brief period of time, I regressed.

The old familiar voices intruded, “Kristy, you blew this one. You forced it. This wasn’t supposed to be, and you over-rode Aaron’s intuition. You failed.”

All because things didn’t appear to be working out just now. No question, it’s a messy situation. This doesn’t feel like smooth-sailing. This is the universe clubbing us over the head.

But then I calmed down.

It took about three hours. And then I felt with my heart rather than with my fear.

My heart told me what I knew; We’re capable of dealing with this.

I remembered that my husband and I are not powerless. We can handle this. And I envisioned what it would feel like to get a brand new radiant heat system that we know we can trust, that is safe and energy efficient and a wise expenditure of time and money. That felt so good, so right.

This is a major deal.

But getting through this, finding a way to feel peaceful despite it, feels like growth to me.

It feels like a really good teacher.

On my dry-erase board in my office (to-do lists are one of my favorite things in life) is a line that reads “S.T.A.R. is not the absence of pain“. It’s a reminder.

Learning the art of Surrender, Trust, Allow, Receive does not mean finding a pathway to a life that never stings, that never takes a bite out of comfort.

It just means that spiritual growth becomes less agonizing and more fascinating, less judgmental and more curious.

If you find yourself in a difficult place, don’t second guess your reasons for being there.

Don’t tell yourself that your inner navigation system is faulty, that there’s something wrong with you. (And never, ever let somebody else tell you that.) Surrender to the possibility that you are in this moment of time BECAUSE of the difficulties, that perhaps those difficulties are the very reason you made this choice. Just maybe the challenge is your teacher right now.

Spiritual growth can get messy. It can hurt like hell.

But you are divinely capable! Remember that.

Much Love,

Kristy

P.S. ~ If you are interested in diving into the concept of the S.T.A.R. Philosophy for spiritual growth, jump here to purchase a copy of The Fascinated Observer: A Guide To S.T.A.R. Philosophy.