Resisting Change

Our white-knuckled grip on life.

On resisting change…

I read a quote yesterday from Gandhi. It struck me as particularly powerful because in that moment I was thinking about life and how often we get stuck in patterns that aren’t working for us. Yet despite the fact that these patterns may be killing us, our fear of change is too potent to allow forward movement. It’s an epidemic and it’s incredibly sad.

In this quote, Gandhi said:

“I cannot teach you violence, as I do not myself believe in it. I can only teach you not to bow your heads before anyone even at the cost of your life.”

When I read that, I paused for the longest time, staring at the computer screen. A lot of people went through my head, people I don’t even know, resisting change, stuck in lives that are wrong for them on multiple levels. Lives that make them sick, and scared, and stressed out, and angry…but they stay. Because they don’t know how to let go, surrender, lose the illusion of control for however long it takes to find new footing.

This feels like a form of “bowing our heads” to me.

We oppress our own lives.

If someone tried to force us into some of the situations we force ourselves into, we’d fight like hell. And yet we force ourselves into the most horrible conditions while we remain in circumstances that are literally killing us.

What would the cost be, to walk away from a career you hated, a life you know on every level is wrong for you, painful to your very core. Perhaps your body has been telling you this for years, so you take prescription drugs to quiet the wisdom of your cells, your organs, your joints, your muscles…anything to silence the voices, the pain, telling you “This isn’t it! This isn’t why you’re here! Remember your purpose? Do you know what that means? Listen to me!” What would the cost be, to detach from what’s not working, to make room for what does?

What would it take to release the white-knuckled grip on life?

What’s the worst thing that could happen? What if you lost everything, just let it go, the house, the neighborhood, the social status…Could you handle it? (Is there a little part of you breathing a sigh of relief imagining it?) What if for a temporary period of time your life became simple, Zen, modest…in order to build something new. Something that worked for you.

There is no, “I’m too old to start over.” There’s no expiration date on why we are here, our purpose. I’ve had 25 year-old clients tell me they’re too old to make a change–it’s a survival strategy to keep us stuck, generated by a scared ego, nothing more. I’ve also had 85 year-old clients completely reinvent themselves without hesitation. Change is scary to a person 11 years old or 98 years old; I get that. But you’re never too old to become something new.

Resisting change is a bow.

So, this is what has been coursing through my head ever since reading Gandhi’s quote. “Do not bow your heads before anyone even at the cost of your own life.” I invite you to ask yourself, who are you bowing your heads to at the cost of your own life? Is it your own fear? Your boss? Your abuser?

Taking the first step away from a life that is not working for you is terrifying. I know; I did it. It might require you to lose some wealth for a time–I did. It might require a transition into the darkest unknown–believe me, I went there. ( Read my story: Stark Raving Zen: A Memoir of Coming Alive )

But it was there that I found my freedom, my Why, my reason for living, and my right to the life I was born for.

Anything else is just an excuse, a resistance to change. You deserve more.

Much Love,

Kristy