Most intuitives and empaths are Highly Sensitive.
This is something I frequently write about because my professional focus is the Highly Sensitive Person, made up of 15-20% of the population, as defined by having a personality trait called Sensory Processing Sensitivity. This makes the HSP hypersensitive to external stimuli, with a greater depth of cognitive processing, and high emotional reactivity. Most HSP’s are introverts, but there’s a small subset of the Highly Sensitive population who are extroverts. (And as one of my mentors says about the rare extroverted HSP, spoken with his delightful British accent, “Well, isn’t that a special kick in the balls from the Universe!”)
Being a Highly Sensitive Person is not always a walk in the park. But I consider it a super power.
We are not weak. If harnessed skillfully it renders us incredibly resilient (because the healthy HSP knows exactly how to recharge, protect our boundaries, and emotionally support ourselves).
However, it does not, contrary to popular belief, mean we’re particularly nice all the time. In fact, nobody can extract their wolverine claws faster than a stressed out Highly Sensitive Person backed into a corner. That’s because the HSP often hides negative feelings, believing they are too volatile or stormy. They’ve often been told they’re “too emotional” so to balance this, they repress feelings or intentionally numb out. They incorrectly label their anger and “negative feelings” (there are no such things) as wildly inappropriate. Many HSP’s feel that if they actually express the full range of their emotions they will cause catastrophic damage to themselves and all those in their closest proximity. So, they stuff their natural responses.
Until they can’t any longer.
3–2–1…
Just stand back and watch the volcano erupt.
I have a handful of people in my lifetime who have been the recipient of such an explosion and so far none of those friendships have survived beyond the smoke and ash, not even years after the dust has settled. My repressed, unleashed temper is epic.
It’s also only happened two or three times in my almost fifty years. And every single incident was the result of feeling guilty for experiencing resentment over my boundaries being violated. Instead of simply recognizing my very legitimate concern, I decided I was a bad person for feeling that way, which led to trying to stuff the Genie back in the bottle…until *boom*.
Wounded sensitives can inflict a lot of damage when we try to be what we are not.
If you’re starting to resemble a ticking time bomb, then you’re not listening to what you need.
1.) Know your boundaries and guard them with your life. Absolutely learn to say No.
2.) Practice ZERO repression. Give your emotions the space to express themselves. Walk them frequently, like a baby Labrador who needs a ton of exercise. Ignoring him will never work if you care about your sanity (and his).
3.) Read your emotions like a weather app. Would you look at the forecast for tomorrow and think, “Huh, rain. That must mean it’s going to rain for the rest of eternity.” No! It’s a freaking front moving through! That’s exactly how emotions are. Don’t panic when you feel pain. Hunker down, take care of yourself, and understand that it’s temporary. Do what you need to do (like arming yourself with an umbrella) for the time being, and resist the temptation for dramatic hyperbole. (“I’m always going to feel this way. I’ll never be good enough. Life is suffering.”)
4.) Do not apologize for your limits. If everyone else wants to play a board game and your introverted self needs to recharge behind a closed door with some alone time and a book, then let everyone else play without you. That’s always preferred to the alternative, which is to push yourself beyond your limits, going full-on Mount Vesuvius later that night.
5.) Ask yourself the following question… and then devote yourself to the answer with all of your being: “What helps to regulate my emotions?” What helps you feel steady? Is it a bike ride? Long walks? Is it transcendental meditation? Is it listening to shamanic drumming for fifteen minutes a day? Is it prayer? Reading A Course In Miracles? Is it Tarot? Is it studying astrophysics? Whatever it is, find it, and devote fifteen to thirty minutes of your day to it, with the very specific intention of assisting you with emotional regulation.
6.) Throw guilt out the window, off the edge of the grand canyon, shoot it into space, incinerate it with your super-power laser eyes, just get rid of it and its desire to abusively jerk you around by your shirt collar! You are a magnificent, highly attuned, high-frequency love-muffin capable of incredible intensity who deserves to be cherished no matter what you’re feeling or how quirky the rest of the world thinks you are. Do not bury, repress, or stuff anything. Let yourself be your glorious self, for the sake of your own health, heart, and spirit.
So Much Love,
Kristy
As always, Kristy, you are RIGHT ON. Love this–and you!
THANK YOU my sweet HSP brother. xoxo
As an adult aspergers woman I appreciate the comfort of HSP supportive thoughts. Aspergers us ny missing piece actually allowing freedom to embrace myself in all its glory! As an empath it is sweet to know the difference of intuitive messages are downloading or if sensory overload is shutting me down. Internal modulation is important. No, dont play the board game!
Thank you for being here, Rebecca! I too feel that when I get overloaded and have to shut down for awhile, it is often because I’m downloading something to upshift my energetic frequency! Part of the process of recognizing the gifts of all of these quirky aspects we possess is acceptance and understanding. We’re designed differently, we operate differently, and if we can just learn not to fight that, but appreciate it, that’s the half the learning. I appreciate your thoughts!
Missed you, have been thinking of you, but glad to hear you’ve been writing! <3 This article is so timely, as always, I swear you can read my mind! I am going through this exact situation right now, and I so needed to read your words and the reminder to take care of myself! Hugs my dear friend…<3
P.S. Even though it's still early, I went ahead and put out one hummingbird feeder the other day, part of my self-care in anticipation of those creatures I love and make me happy! I know you'd understand!
Dear Cheryl, so happy to hear from you! I put my hummingbird feeder out the last week of March generally, though this year I’ll be in Nebraska watching the crane migration! I know in Texas you’re blessed with those little angels before we are up here in the mountains of New Mexico. Sending you a ton of love, and can you believe my book is almost done?!
Yes, I can believe your book is almost done, you’ve been a busy, focused lady! I can’t wait to read it!
And guess what? We saw our first hummingbird yesterday! It brought with it such Joy and renewal, can you tell this is my favorite time of year?!
Enjoy those cranes! ?
Best to you always my dear…?
xoxo to you Cheryl!
Your articles are always powerful and insightful. While not an HSP, I know many of them, and this is very helpful for me to better understand and interact with them.
Thank you Ildi! I’m sure the HSPs in your life appreciate your willingness to learn more about the things they contend with on a daily basis. I’m so happy you’re here and I hope you have a fabulous day! Hugs! xo
I love this piece! Spot on. I wish I had had this insight all my life.
Photo is lovely too!
Big Love,
Mary
I hear you, Mary! Pretty much everything I write and post these days is to offer a healing hand to my 20 and 30-year-old self! Love you tons, sister!
Hi Kristy – I was turned on to your site by Robin Barr, my current coach, I love this article and wonder if I am a HSP. I think I am, but wondering if there is a test or something to help determine this? Thank you!
A fellow Santa Fean,
Katie
Hi Katie! I’m sorry for my delayed response! I was away this week, taking a much needed nature get-away after our long winter. 🙂 I love Robin! And I’m happy you made your way to my site. If you’re an HSP and are first being introduced to the concept, you’re in for a fascinating introduction into an imperative aspect of yourself.
Elaine Aron, back in the early 1990’s, is a psychologist who first “discovered” and put a name to this group of the population who share the common trait of a highly sensitive nervous system. I’m attaching a link to her test below. It’s my experience that HSP’s are quick to recognize a deep familiarity with this subject matter when it’s first introduced to them. So, if you’re being drawn to learning more, you’re very likely a Highly Sensitive Person. Pretty much all of my blog articles are tailored to the HSP even if I don’t used that terminology in all of the entries.
Please don’t hesitate to ask me any questions! I also have a Facebook page which you can find under my business name of Coaching To Come Alive. (There are also social media links on my homepage of this website, which will easily get you there.)
It’s nice to meet you, Katie! I hope you love New Mexico as much as I do! 🙂
https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/