So much for ringing in the New Year uproariously (which, full disclosure, I never do anyway)! I’ve been stuck in bed all week with a nasty cold virus. I know I brought it on myself. The week before I was bragging to a friend about how I’d been cold/flu-free for two solid years (meanwhile, the virus LOL’d as my immune system crumbled beneath the silent onslaught). But hey, there are silver linings to most things, and one solid result of my sickness is that I’ve had plenty of time to get lost in books, I binged two entire seasons of The Crown, and I’m all caught up on my favorite podcasts.
Of all the things I’ve absorbed over the past week, one thing sticks out (besides the fact that my inner dialogue now speaks with a British accent, thanks to Queen Elizabeth). It was a simple, ordinary question posed to a podcast host, a past speech writer for President Obama, who was asked, “What was the best advice a person ever gave you while you were working in the White House.”
His answer was, “Somebody once said to me, ‘Never spend time on what you should write. Focus instead on what only you can write. That’s the only formula that creates any interest in the reader’.”
It struck me, because I so emphatically agree. And it’s become my theme for 2018.
Change out the word write with any other form of expression– paint, coach, dance, lead, manage, teach… and you get the very same premise, which is on this entire planet there is only one of us. Nobody can compete with that. Nobody can even come close. There is only one you, and if you share that with the world, truly and authentically, then you are a guaranteed hit. Where we go wrong is when we try to live somebody else’s formula. Human Beings have an exceptionally well-developed sense for who’s being real and who’s straight-up faking it. And I think faking it is universally rejected when the alternative is authenticity.
But authenticity is so scary, because what if we’re rejected? Or what if we actually have to face our own faking it? Nothing worse than that.
Something pretty incredible happened a couple of months ago. As you know (if you’re in my life or you read my blog), in August I almost died. My body made an amazing recovery, as bodies do, but then October 1st showed up, and I very literally woke up feeling like a different person. I can’t explain it other than it felt like I woke up and all my life’s carefully constructed stories had just been erased, disappeared. There was some aspect of me that stepped forward, called bullshit on all of this, and decided that it wasn’t just going to take my word for it, anymore. If the story previously had been, “I have a happy marriage,” suddenly this new aspect of me needed proof. It needed to decide for itself what was real and what were my own carefully constructed myths. (Turns out, yes, I did determine that I have a happy marriage, but not without some well-needed recalibrations.)
My stories were keeping me numb. They were keeping me safe. It’s easier to accept realities about ourselves without ever challenging them, without ever questioning their validity or authenticity. But with whatever phenomenon was happening to me, I suddenly lost the ability to fake my way through anything. Does my family truly care about me? Are my friends truly supportive of me? Am I supportive of them? Does my husband truly get me? Am I a decent partner? Do I truly love living in New Mexico? Am I actually any good at what I do for a living? Does my dog live a meaningful existence? And on and on and on…I had to perform an intense audit and come to my own, new conclusions about every major ingredient in this intensely complex life I live. I lost the ability to take anything for granted.
I also had to reconcile with every memorable error I’ve ever made in my life, from the age of fifteen (I guess I let my toddler years off the hook) on up to my current forty-eight. Nothing went without scrutiny. It was as if I was at the Pearly Gates, undergoing a full Life Review, without the courtesy of death to take the sting away.
Can I just say…Ouch.
It was more painful than anything I’ve ever experienced, and I can’t know for sure what triggered it. Was it my near-death experience, some cruel astrological alignment, a psychospiritual reboot, was my software going through an upgrade…was it basic biology, simply what happens when a body’s hormones become disrupted (although blood work revealed my estrogen levels were normal)?
It lasted about three months. As of January 1st, this transformation for me felt complete.
But what happened as a result of all of this seems so elegantly designed, like the most mind-blowing phenomena of nature, something when explained feels more like science fiction than reality, though it happens every day, with all of us. It’s just what I needed to experience, to simply become a more authentic version of myself. It was a fine-tuning, a cleaning house of sorts.
I had to face everything I had denied. I had to sort the truth from the lies (because we all lie to ourselves when the truth is too inconvenient to dialogue with). I had to write some new stories around success and abilities and self worth.
I had to take my life back, sans bullshit.
In 2018, I wish for you the clearest, most real, most vital and authentic version of yourself. I wish for you crystal clear clarity, so you without a doubt know what you want, know who you are, and exactly what your first step is in claiming the life you know you can create.
In 2018, I want you to write a new story, one that only you can write. I want this for me too, I want this for all of us. I think our happiness depends on it. I think our planet expects it of us.
No holding back.
It’s mind boggling how often we frame things the way we think they should look. And then how we convince ourselves of realities.
I had life-changing self assessment a few years ago, and have you to thank for evolving my internal dialogue (no accent!).
The part about doing what *only you* are gifted to do instead of what you think is required—which may *not* be your sweet spot really hit home for me professionally. Thanks for the confirming perspective. 😉
My New Year’s resolution, which I rarely make, is to keep up with your blog!
Thank you, dear Shari! You’ve been there for me in equal measure. And it has been such an absolute JOY watching you redefine your self and your life. I cherish you!
“Am I actually any good at what I do for a living?”
YES!!!! Yes, you are Kristy! You helped me in so many ways – I can’t thank you enough. The Forest Service will benefit from my personal improvement, as well, because of your talent. What a unique contribution to your public lands in New Mexico!
Kim that was about the best thing anybody could have written to me! Thank you so much for your generous, kind words! Hugs to you!
Today the New Years card I sent to you got returned because I must have the wrong address! I’ll try again, but here you are and I’m so grateful!
Much Love,
Kristy
Kristy, I got your card it’s beautiful. I wanted to let you know that I’ve been tackling my email and it’s liberating in a fascinating way. Kim
Kristy,
Your words are full of truth and every post you put up resonates deeply with me. I know we haven’t kept up with each other well in the past few years, but after reading this post I understand why.
I truly believe that the default for the world and everything in it is perfect harmony. The problem is that humans have this silly ability to reason and when it’s clouded by fear, doubt, anxiety and all the negative emotions we get disoriented. At some point disharmony snaps and we get pushed back to harmony. Most of the time it’s kicking and screaming and that fighting is what causes the pain.
I have been thinking about what you wrote in a fragmented way for the past few months and appreciate how you have put it together so well. I have read and re-read your wishes for 2018 a few times now and you state perfectly what I want for myself and everyone else in my life.
Thank you and Happy New Year!
Dan you are such a sage— always have been. I appreciate your thoughts so much! Remember when we really came together & connected on a soul level, during that horribly turbulent time in my life? Well, that story (in book form) has been finished, it’s with the editor. And you’re in it! You provided such a critical piece for me back then, and always will. Much love to you, Dan! Here’s to a beautiful, solid present on into the future.
Cool, can’t wait to read your new book!
I am amazed at the timing of this Kristy. I had a revelation just yesterday – not of the same proportion (yet), but definitely of the same ilk. And while it means a lot of work, to reformat all my business messaging, I can already begin to feel a bit of the delicious serenity held in living as my fully authentic self.
I believe it will take some training, to let go fully, but I am happy beyond words to have been gifted the viewpoint!!!!!
❤️
That is so great! I can’t wait to hear more! I have the sense that 2018 is bringing a lot of clarifying energy with it. We’ve got to ride that wave, and not waste a drop of that good energy. Love you, Nancy!
Kristy, such an interesting piece! What were some of the “things” you peeled away? Your writing always inspires me and this “New Years” piece does not disappoint. Thank you!
Mary I’d say one of the biggest realizations came surrounding my family. They will never be able to love me like I need to be loved. Sounds simple, but there was an enormous release around it. It’s not their fault. I don’t resent them for it. It’s not my fault either. I don’t resent myself for knowing how I need to be treated. At this point in my life I know exactly what feels right and what doesn’t. And it’s okay to revolve around those who know how to love me, and stop expecting others to change to accommodate me. It was a complete liberation around love. There were so many others, but that was the primary revelation.
Very inspiring!
Thank you, Ildi!
Kristy—-very simply: BRAVO!
I am heading out tomorrow to find the sun and will devote time in that healing warmth to explore authenticity.
That sounds lovely! Have a beautiful time, Penny! xo