It’s been the strangest summer on record.
On the one hand it’s been one of the most fun. Some great travel, some cherished friends visiting, beautiful weather and the hummingbirds are off the chart.
On the other hand, I’m faced with my own personal kryptonite in the form of being displaced from my home. We’ve been renting a house in the Santa Fe hills for nearly four years and a few months ago we were informed that the homeowners are selling. It took this long for my denial to wear off; I had some full-body avoidance Kevlar shielding me from the truth. Just this week reality finally set in. Probably because it goes on the market as of August 1st. T-minus too close and counting.
This week I also learned the terms of us staying in the house while it’s on the market, which includes vacating at a moment’s notice whenever I’m directed, regardless if I have a full day of appointments scheduled. That’s not going to work for me, a structure-loving organizational freak. So… it was determined that we’d be leaving immediately (rather than continuing to procrastinate in finding a new place to live).
SUCH a disruption. For the star lovers out there, a little back story… I’m an astrological Cancer, with Cancer ascending, Leo moon. You want to see me turn into a full-blown crab, just mess with my home.
I also had the vision that we’d be in this rental house for five years and then if we loved Santa Fe (which we do) we’d buy a house. It hasn’t quite been four years. This goes against my plan. And so goes the Sufi saying, If you want to make God laugh, create a five-year plan… I get it. God’s laughing at my attachment issues.
So, feeling like my foundation had just officially crumbled, I experienced some inner turmoil for a few days.
It hurt.
A lot.
I felt some grief. I really love where I live and have never left a home of mine through somebody else’s choice. Another one of my inner truths revealed…I hate feeling out of control.
I dipped pretty low.
And then I finally got tired. Hopelessness is exhausting. Even through my denial, I’ve been carrying this house-selling burden around for the past three or four months. It’s too heavy.
I decided that I’d enter the pain, stop trying to avoid it (which is always infinitely more exhausting) and just face the truth. Our chapter has closed on this house; time for a new experience. And who’s to say that this new experience won’t be even better. Maybe it’s time to actually dialogue with my inner commitment-phobe and think about buying.
After having this shift in consciousness, I went to bed telling myself I just need to get through these next two months. The next two months will be the hardest, I said. I can endure anything for two months. And then I fell asleep and had a dream I was in prison. A two-month sentence. But it was good. I owned that experience. In fact, I loved it. I was the boss in that place, the queen of the prisoners, and everyone was cooperative.
When I woke up, I got the message loud and clear. It’s time to stop crumbling and start commanding. I’m in this situation. I need to find a new place to live. Yes, I have to pack up another eighty five boxes of books (my pre-Kindle history) and wrap up another china cabinet full of crystal. I have to ask more landlords if they allow pets and exercise my super powers of positive influence if they say no. Yes, I have to cater to this home’s realtor and ask my clients to temporarily understand. Yes, no question, this will absolutely be one giant pain in the ass.
But who’s to say it’s not going to be worth it?
It was Eckhart Tolle who said, “To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in your power. So change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or possible. Leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.”
Time to take off the Kevlar, feel the discomfort, stop complaining and just move forward. Time for acceptance.
Love,
Kristy
Kristy, would you be interested in buying the house you have lived in for 4 yr if you have decided you like Santa Fe and want to stay?
Phadia
Dear Phadia, thank you for your question. The home owners really tried to allow us to buy it, even dropping the price by a significant number, but alas it’s just too expensive for us. We were not able to consider it. But we’re blessed to have been able to take care of this home and this land for nearly 4 years. It really is magical. xo, Kristy
Oh dear Kristy, I find this all so powerful — me, selling my cherished little piece of our village, and you, needing a new place to live. We both need to let go — I LOVE that quote by Tolle — thank you for sharing your feelings and your triumph! I love you!!!!
Thank you Diane! It would appear that our Chupadero chapter is finished. It brought us together, didn’t it! I so love you too. xoxo
Kristy, home is a big deal. Exciting, if uncomfortable times await. Roots. You know you will have a home. During an uprooted period, by my choice( huge difference)$, was totally unsettling, yet there were great adventures. May your new home give you what you need. Blessings!
Thank you dear Emmy! You are so right. Periods of unrest truly can bring awesome rewards. I’m ready for the adventure. 🙂
Don’t know where the $ sign came from. My land sale was three years into my move into instability for 12 years.
The best houses always find you, sweetie. There’s a new place looking for you guys and all your fur-friends right now; I just know it. I’m already excited for you! Xoxoxoxo
I’m getting to the “excited” stage. It’s creeping in, slowly… 🙂
Awwuh!
(Shari says)
😉 xoxo
I can almost totally relate. My song at the moment (one of them) is Wind of Change and I am also positioning myself to move. My issue is never the moving. There’s too much Gemini in me and I have been in this place MUCH TOO LONG. I would move every year if I could, but to the right (new) home. And there is no such home for me at the moment, so I am forcing myself to accept another year of living in a place I was ripe to leave years ago. Accepting and not complaining and trying to make the best of a situational boat which I yearn to be able just to capsize and abandon.
Oh that’s a nice perspective for me. We’re both in the same, but opposite, situation. And we will both thrive, I’m sure. 🙂
I know you will find a new home, Kristy. It will find you. Sending blessings and energy!
Thank you! I know you’re right.
Home IS a big deal – maybe it’s our gender. I have been faced with a very similar set of circumstances these last few months. If I let go of the home I own in Ithaca, I will be homeless and have no further ties to the place I grew up and have lived, off and on, for over 50 years. It feels like being untethered in outer space. Sad and unsettling. I finally accepted it yesterday. Home is extremely important to me and I imagine I will feel unsettled until some day in the future when I can have my own home again. Until then, I’m thinking of it as an adventure (nomad is too much for me to bear).
XOXOXOX
It is a big deal, isn’t it. I’m feeling you, Nancy. But still, so excited for you. There’s a lot of potential in “untethered”. xoxo
Hi, Kristy! Being mobile is disruptive for sure, but we found that being stationary geographically for too long can be internally stagnating. Although Santa Fe sounds like a much nicer place to get stuck in than Houston, Texas. 😉
Right now in Corpus Christi taking care of mom-in-law in her townhouse leaves us feeling quite stuck between dimensions. We’re in some one else’s life instead of our own.
Eckhart’s quite right, though. Time to go with flow of events, maybe use this moving time to reduce your “stuff” imprint and start fresh and simpler.
Blessings for a smooth move and fun adventures in the process!
You’re so right, Joanne. I truly believe I am stagnating a bit in this house. Not so much because of the 4 years we’ve been here as it is the nature of the property. Very cozy, isolating…it almost feels like a womb here in the bottom of a valley with so many trees protecting us. We can’t see sunrises or sunsets. Time for bigger vision and views of the horizon. I’ve had a huge energetic shift and I’m ready to go now. I’ll miss this place, but it’s time to move on.
Hi Kristy,
Your blog was authentic and amazing. Moving has been a life time of change for me and in these changes I have found truly amazing landscapes and people to surround me. You are loved and protected and desired to be in a new place. It’s beautiful that you are readying yourself for this change.
Love you dearly
Linda
Thank you Luv! I know that I’ve already entered an adventure & we’re going to love where we end up. We’ll likely be not much farther from you as north Santa Fe seems to be where we will most likely end up. In fact, we may even be closer to you. 😉