It’s been an agonizingly painful week.
I made the decision to stay quiet on social media, because I believe in the call to make the space for Black voices right now. I have been so filled with emotion that it’s hard for me to sort my thoughts through it all. I figured the last thing the world needs is another confused and jumbled White voice in the din.
In those five days, I heard all kinds of conflicting information telling me what to do, as a White woman in mental health.
“Here’s what you should do!”
“For God’s sake, No, do not do that!”
“This is your fight!”
“This is not your fight!”
“You are valued!”
“You are not valued!”
I’m not going to lie, there was comfort in my decision to go silent as I watched myself curling into the fetal position. I became the dreaded White Fragility (as explained by Robin DiAngelo) and felt like throwing my hands into the air, yelling, “Well, F**k! I’m damned if I do, and damned if I don’t!”
“Somebody tell me what to do, what to say, so I can stay safe!”
And then I realized, that is the whole point. Feeling unsafe, that there is no “safe” choice, is the everyday state of millions of marginalized people in this world…
Philando Castile was given a conflicting directive. Remember that? He was told to keep his hands on the wheel, and also hand over his identification… That earned him five fatal bullet holes in his chest.
This is my fight. This is Love. This is the heart of metamorphosis, equal parts beautiful and horrifying.
My existence is about the alchemy of transformation, so how can I turn away from my own? Currently, we are collectively transforming. The Universe will allow no other subject matter to white wash this state of emerging consciousness. Bypassing it for “safer” conversation means bypassing our own evolution. It means turning our backs to suffering.
We’re in this. It’s happening.
We’re supposed to be terribly uncomfortable right now. We’re all being turned to primordial goo, in a cocoon of our own making.
Yes, we’re all One in the 5th dimensional reality, but in the 3rd dimensional reality, we are most definitely not treated as One.
Light workers, empaths, healers, highly sensitive people, this is our work. And if you are reading this, and you are a white person, we have no choice but to start with ourselves. Let nothing remain uncovered. If you’re triggered by that, ask yourself WHY? Why can’t you see that we’ve all been stricken with the virus of systemic racism and none of us is immune? There are those who have spent their entire lives on the front lines of cultural and racial equality and awareness, and they aren’t afraid to look within. Why are we?
And know this— there is one consistent message right now and that is: There is only one wrong thing to say right now and that is nothing.
Please, if you happen to be White and have found yourself taking this spiritual revolution personally, triggered by things you can’t explain, consider reading the books I’m currently reading:
1.) White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard For White People To Talk About Racism, by Dr. Robin DiAngelo
2.) Me And White Supremacy: Combat Racism, Change The World, And Become A Good Ancestor, by Layla F. Saad
3.) How To Be An Antiracist, by Ibram X. Kendi
(Be prepared to order these as Kindle versions, because the books are a little hard to come by right now.)
There’s a great Vogue article by Roxanne Fequiere which speaks to grounding the ally movement into something deeper than Instagram.
Let yourself feel it all. Let none of us in the vibration of love, regardless of our race, censor our expression right now. When we fully align with the vibration of love, our heart becomes fierce, courageous, and unconditional. Our experience is the right experience, for our own highest evolution and growth. That doesn’t mean it won’t feel intense and heartbreaking, and nauseatingly uncomfortable at times. It just means we’re strong enough to stand through it all, knowing that we’re powerful manifestors ushering in a new, compassionate world.
I’m not afraid.
ADDENDUM—- I have edited this article three times, because I just kept getting it wrong. Never has there been a more transformative blog-writing experience for me. Being gently called out for being a part of the problem, not the solution, is something that I greatly appreciate. I will keep trying…
(A citation about the photograph attached to this post, which comes from the article, Black Lives Matter: A movement in photos.)
“On July 17, 2014, Eric Garner, 43, died on Staten Island, New York, after he was stopped by several officers who put him in what has been described as a chokehold. His last words, “I can’t breathe,” became a slogan for Black Lives Matter and other protesters.
Logan Browning stands with duct tape over her mouth with other demonstrators during a protest against police violence in Hollywood, California, Dec. 6, 2014.” ~ Photographer Patrick T. Fallon for Reuters.